Those who have read my “About” page, may have noticed, in the section in which I’ve listed the Pearls of Wisdom that I’ve accumulated over the years, the pearl “Within every person is wisdom”. The pearl that I didn’t include in the list (and which I should have and, shortly, will do) is: “Unless directly asked for it, it is usually best to keep your opinion to yourself”.
I learnt this the hard way.
Mrs Brown was invited by her daughter and son-in-law to join them on a vacation which involved a three-day car journey to a remote destination. Mrs Brown had not only been caring for her husband through a long illness but, with his having lost his income, had had to resign from her part-time job and take on a full-time role. She was exhausted, and the temptation to accept the invitation was terrific. She had made enquiries about the possibility of moving her husband into a care home for a couple of weeks, but felt guilty about ideas of such (as she described it) ‘self-indulgence’ at the cost of her husband’s comfort at home. She felt that perhaps what she should do was stay at home.
She asked for my opinion. And I gave it. “You deserve a break from work and from the demands of caring for your husband. I think you should go.”
She went.
And, just as they arrived at their destination, after a three-day journey, she received a message from the care home to say her husband had died.
It then took the family three days to get back home.
Mrs Brown’s wisdom, which I’d sensed but not taken the trouble to harvest, had been that her husband’s days were numbered and that her place was at home, so as to be sure that she would be near in his final hours – rather than taking the risk of being three days away.
Had I enabled her to honour her wisdom without expressing my opinion, there is no knowing what her final decision might have been. She may well still have chosen to go on the trip, or she may have decided to stay at home. I didn’t make the decision for her. But it may have been that my opinion influenced her decision.
And so here, once again, are my pearls for you:
If you are asked for an opinion or advice, think twice before giving it. Consider that within every person is their own wisdom. It is often better to tap their wisdom and help them make their own decision rather than imposing your own view.
And if you are the one who is troubled and in search of a solution, by all means, ask the opinion of those whose opinions you generally respect. But be confident to trust in your gut instincts and never let the opinions of others override your own wisdom.
If you feel that you could do with a little help in tapping this inner wisdom, let me know. Before you do that, you might like to know a little about my approach to counselling, mentoring and life-coaching, and you can find this information on my ‘Terms of Service’ page.
